At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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