Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
