she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
