she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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