When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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