Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He better not be in your backpack
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
