dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
