google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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