dude i'm inner monologue high
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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