You work out of a Hotel?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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