New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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