I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I look better un-naked...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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