I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
