I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He has the fingertips of a God
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
