I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
