That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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