It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
