I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
