I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
