found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
