Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
