May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
