The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
