I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You have to summon your inner elephant
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
