I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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