And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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