its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize