How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
