Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
