You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
