dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
