What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
