And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
