just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
