Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
