But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
