I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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