I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Duck Duck Cougar?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
