If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
