i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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