I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
