I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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