whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
