Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
you are never too drunk for berry picking
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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