I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
