I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
