If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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