Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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