Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
