her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
