8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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