Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
