I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
