FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
