His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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